How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
