Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
