I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
