OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
