So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
