I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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