i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
