Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
