explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
