Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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