Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
