In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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