just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
