ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
