I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
