I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
