I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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