So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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