this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
