whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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