Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
