He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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