I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk is not a location!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
