we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
