Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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