This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
