TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
