I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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