Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
