Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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