Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
