He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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