I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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