do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
