Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This baby is an asshole
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
