i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
