Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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