If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
