Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
