why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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