it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
