Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
