He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize