She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
