There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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