So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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