found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
