We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
