Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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