speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
