That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
