but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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