I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
