I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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