i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would fuck him just for his dog
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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