A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Two words: blizzard sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
