Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
