I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
