I cockslap morals
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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