Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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