I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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