Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
