PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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