we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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