how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize