my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
