i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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