even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
