All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
