It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
