a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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