he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
